When the viewers are away
by GreyCloud
Summary: When the viewers first leave to get popcorn, what will happen?
1. When the viewers are away

**When the viewers are away……..**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the pirates of the Caribbean characters, and if I did… that would ROCK!

"Welcome aboard the Black pearl Miss Turner"…. Started to say Barbossa but stooped. The sky seemed to lighten…….. The viewers were away getting popcorn!

"Yes." Elisabeth Swann said "Now I can do what the writers didn't write… I can do the exact opposite, why not start now. Oh commodore…." She jumped of the boat frantically trying to swim to shore to find her sweet commodore to except his proposal.

:MEANWHLE:

On shore Will was fighting a bloody battle with undead pirates when he noticed to that the viewers were gone! A pirate was just about to throw a grenade at him…. but he stopped threw it in the air and it exploded with CONFETTI!

"Party!" Shouted the grenade pirate. He through another grenade which should have exploded with more confetti but actually knocked out will.

The viewers were back!

"Awww!" Said the pirates trudging back to the correct spots to fight that bloody battle again to rampage port royal, except for Will who was STILL knocked out with a confetti grenade.

Elizabeth had to swim all the way back to the Black pearl, just to get slapped on the face by a pirate.

And the movie continued normally for a while, when, THE VEIWERS WENT TO GET MORE SODA!

At the time Norrington was trying to find Elizabeth who was taken by Barbossa. Will came up and said "They've taken her! They've taken Elizabeth!"

Norrington walked up to Will and slapped him "The viewers have taken a soda brake you fool! Seize the moment, besides who would want to look for her when you are the only one who ACTUALLY likes her. I mean I sure don't…." He paused and said walking around the room, "Who's got the confetti grenades?"

Will rolled his eyes and Norrington left taking his stereo. Will stopped him and asked "What's that you're holding?"

"Stereo, duh. It plays music."

"Stereo's aren't invented yet!"

Norrington shrugged "So?"

"Where did you get it?"

"I Invented it. You know, I should be like Albert Einstein, 'cause he is a genius, and I am one of them!" He said matter o'factly

"Albert Einstein isn't born yet!"

Norrington shrugged "So?" He walked away to the center of the town, placed the boom box on the ground and turned it on. Metallica blared out as the song enter sandman came out.

The next song was by Ac Dc, the Next one was by the Black eyed peas, and the next was by System of a Down.

And to all of these songs he danced to with the peasants, throwing confetti grenades.

Then the viewers came back, and the movie played as it was supposed to 'till, the viewers got CANDY!

**A/n:** Thanks for reading the first chapter of when the viewers are away!


	2. Chicken Dance

**We left off when the viewers were refilling their candy…..**

"Are you familiar with that ship?The Black Pearl?" Stated Will standing in a dark dungeon

"Somewhat." Said Jack

"Where does it make berth?**" **

"Surely you've heard the stories? The

Black Pearl sails from the dreaded Isla

de Mureta... an island that cannot be

found -- except by those who already

know where it is."

"The ship's real enough. So its

anchorage must be a real place. Where

is it?"

"Why ask me?"

"Oh god, who cares anymore the viewers are gone!"

"Yes!" Shouted Jack jumping up

Suddenly all of the jailed pirates burst through the old brick and mortar dungeon walls and brought with them Confetti Grenades!

Suddenly Norrington came to see who was making all the ruckus and said "Rash Turner very rash…… to have a party without inviting me! LET'S PARTY!" He pulled out his boom box and started to dance again to all of his songs.

Pintel and Ragetti joined them out of nowhere to dance the chicken dance. Elizabeth also popped out of nowhere.

"Elizabeth!" Shouted Will joyously. He walked over to her.

"HEY!" She shouted "Back off, I'm with commodore."

"WHAT!" Gaped will "But where supposed to be……" He started to say but she cut him off

"Not until the movie starts I will supposedly love you" She said "But NOW I love him!" She nudged toward Commodore.

Elizabeth ran over to be Norrington's partner for the Chicken dance, but Norrington slapped her back.

"I could NEVER be partners with _you._" He said

"But I love you!" She said "And in the movie you're supposed to love ME!"

"True but in the movie you don't like ME!" he said "You're supposed to like him" Norrigton nodded over at Will. Don't waste my time. I want to do the chicken dance."

Norrington walked back to dance but the chicken dance was already over.

"Damn!" He muttered "I WANTED TO DANCE THE CHICKEN DANCE!"

: SUDDENLY THE VIEWERS CAME BACK:

"I wanted to do the chicken dance!" Norrington broke down crying "Stupid Elizabeth. Wasting my time." He started to hyper-venalate "I need a paper bag!"

"O MY GOD!" Shouted Will "PAPER BAGS AREN'T ENVENTED YET!"

"I invented them" Norrington said quivering

Will rolled his eyes

"The movie is back on you fools!" Shouted a peasant

"I WANTED TO DANCE THE CHICKEN DANCE!" He shouted/growled

"The movie is back ON!" shouted Will

"STUPID Elizabeth, wasting my time" He muttered "STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!"

"She's not stupid okay!" Said Will trying to get Norrington back to the program

"Fine, That is, without doubt, the worst pirate I have ever seen." He said blandly "Happy now. I said my line!" he hissed "I still would rather be dancing the chicken dance though!"

"What was that?" said Will "O.K. whatever. Just do the movie PLEASE!"

"FINE!" Norrington sniffed but only if you PROMISE that I can do the chicken dance."

"Promise" Said Will

"Okie dokie" Comodore smiled

Elizabeth again had to swim ALL the way back to the Black Pearl, Will had to find her, and commodore Norrington had to love her again. ALL BECAUSE OF THOSE STINKEN VIEWERS!

**A/n **Thanks for reading! I have more on the way.


	3. THEY HAD RUM!

"Commodore----" Said governor swann

"A moment." Said Norrington

"But-"

"Please." Said Norrington impatiently

"Dammit, man, it appears someone is

stealing your ship!"

Norrington glances out at the bay. Sure enough, the

Dauntless is on the move. Norrington takes a brass

telescope from his belt, opens it, trains it on --

The main deck. He picks out Will -

"Rash, Turner, too rash." He said

-- then spots Jack, at the wheel. Lowers the telescope.

"That is, without doubt, the worst

pirate I have ever seen."

"Captain, there's a problem." said the steersman

The Steersman spins the wheel. It goes round and round,

with no signs of slowing.

"He's disabled the rudder chain, sir."

"So it would seem." Growled norrington

The Interceptor dwindles with distance. Gillette watches it

go, with some degree of admiration.

"He's got to be the best pirate

I've ever seen." Said Gillette

Norrington reaches out, stops the spinning ship's wheel.

"So it would seem." Growled Norrington again

The Interceptor makes for the horizon line. A SLOW DISSOLVE

and with the time passage, the ship is gone; the sky turns

a deep twilight blue -

- with the fat white moon riding just above the horizon.

"Commodore!" Shouted the lad in the crows nest "THE VIEWERS ARE ON A PIZZA BREAK!"

"Yay!" Shouted Norrington "No more BLOODY LINES! Better yet---" he said taking out his stereo "CHICKEN DANCE!"

Norrington flipped the switch on the stereo but NOTHING HAPPENED!

"BLOODY STEREO!"

: MEANWHILE ONBOARD THE INTERCEPTOR:

Jack pulled out his cell phone and dialed Elizabeth's number "MUCH easier way to find someone" He muttered to Will

"Where'd you get that?" Said Will "Cell phones aren't invented yet!"

"Norrington" muttered Jack getting a dial tone.

"Hello?" Answered Elisabeth "Who is is?"

"Guess who luv!" Said Jack

"NORRINGTON!" she joyfully cried "I KNEW YOU'D COME BACK FOR ME!"

"Uh…. Well…."

"ARE you with SOMEONE ELSE?" She shouted "WHO IS SHE _NORRINGTON!"_

"Actually….. this is Jack not Norrington"

"WHY AREN'T YOU NORRINGTON!" She screamed

Elizabeth started screaming even more at him through the phone. Jack hung up on her.

Cotton, his parrot, and Pintel ran on deck holding a colorful donkey.

"Pintel?" Said Jack "Aren't you supposed to be with Barrbosser?"

"I like to randomly pop up in places, OK!" Answered Pintel "Since commodore wouldn't let me join his party, I came here. Barbossa does the strangest things for fun….."

Will was leaning over the edge of the ship "OW!" he said"STUPID EVIL SEAWATER! ITS CUTTING ME!"

Will scrambled to the center of the deck. "SOMEONE GET IT!"

Jack walked over to the edge of the deck and took out his pistol/machine gun and shot at the EVIL WATER!

Water splashed back up at Jack "It SHOT ME!" he crawled to where Will was and sat there cowering. Pintel and cotton ran to join the so they didn't get shot by the water either.

"Let'sbat thepiñata!" Said Pintel "The candy is _RUM _flavored!"

The second Pintel said rum, Jack lunged for it "RUM FLAVORED!" he shouted his mouth foaming like a dog with rabies "MUST HAVE RUM FLAVORING!"

"Hold on now!" said Pintel "You have to use a bat to open the piñata, not your TEETH!" he scolded

"You have to form a line!" Pintel paused "Cotton, would you like to start the line?"

"Wind in the sails, wind in the sails!" Answered Cotton's parrot

"We usually figure that means yes." said Will

Jack couldn't wait anymore. He pulled out his pistol/machine gun (A new invention of Norrington's) and shot at that poor piñata until the miserable thing cracked open spilling it's guts out, in other words, spilling out rum flavored candy.

"MINE!" He shouted devouring them all before anyone had a chance to touch them

"Wha….. NO, MY PINATA!" Sobbed Cotton "WHY DID YOU KILL IT!"

"Cotton, YOU CAN SPEAK?" said Will "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SPEAK!"

"Am I not?" said cotton shutting his mouth

"Hmmm" said Pintel "Since Jack ate all the candy, we should have a karaoke night! I wanna be the DJ! I always wanted to be a DJ!"

Will sang about cars (which weren't invented yet, Jack sang about rum flavouring, and cotton sang nothing because Will said he wasn't supposed to speak so his parrot sang for him.

"We should play BINGO!" said Pintel

"Did you work in a retirement home before?" said Will "Never mind. This is BORING! We should be on Commodore's ship!"

"Yeah!" said cotton's parrot

:JUST THEN THE VIEWERS CAME BACK WITH PIZZA AND RUM:

"Rum, they have RUM!" said Jack "RUM, I LOVE RUM!"

"Learn to CONTROL YOUR ALCOHOL PROBLEM AND FAST!" Shouted Will

Pintel was already gone and back on the Black pearl!

Jack started to pound on the screen franticly trying to get the rum.

"WHO INVENTED BLOODY GLASS TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM RUM!" He shouted "NORRINGTON!"

**A/n **Thanks for reading! (I have got to think of some better authors notes than this!)


	4. Swatch

We left off when Jack was frantically trying to get the viewers rum. Will tried to lure him away from the screen with a series of shiny objects, but nothing could stand between Jack and his rum.

"The T.V. must be broke!" Said one of the rum drinking viewers "Let's go into town and find a mechanic!"

All the viewers agreed and left.

"Good!" Thought Jack "Now I can figure out how to get their bloody rum!" He looked devious

Almost as if Jack spoke of the devil, the viewers came back, took their rum, and left again to find a mechanic.

"WHAT?" He gasped "They took it with them?"

"Well, it was _their _rum!" Said Will

"But don't the good guys always get what they want?" Jack smiled "In my case don't the good pirates all get rum?"

"I can't say if you are good" Said Will but added quickly "Or bad. So I called Nanny 911 to help you with your life a bit."

"WHA?" Jack shouted despairingly "Why'd ya do that to me?"

"Pirates should learn to stop killing and looting." Said Will contentedly "In fact, they should be proper gentlemen. I am going to port Royal to join the royal navy's party if you need me. I am to be taking your pistol/machine gun so you can't threaten the poor nanny. See ya later!"

Before Jack could protest, he hopped into the lifeboat taking with him the ship's guns and explosives and rowed to Port Royal.

Soon after he left Jack got hungry. "I knew we should have went fishing…. but" He shuddered "STUPID EVIL SEAWATER!"

Jack looked up into the sky and saw something black floating/flying right above the ship. A bird! Maybe he could shoot it down and eat it, but Will took his gun.

The black thing flew closer. It looked almost human now. Yes, it was a woman flying by umbrella.

"Mary Popins!" said Jack

It wasn't Mary Popins. The woman landed on the deck and tucked her umbrella under her arm. She looked like Elizabeth with an oversized carpet bag.

"Why did you join Nanny 911 Elizabeth?" he asked

"I'm Swatch, Elizabeth's _evil twin!_" She said

"Oh I see." said Jack "I didn't know she has a sister!"

"Neither does she!"

"O.K…….. Do you happen to have any food on you? I am really hungry!"

"Nooo….."

"In fact I could literally eat a boat!" Jack stalked the boat as if was his prey. He pounced and started to gnaw on the wood.

"Time out chair for you mister!" said Swatch "That's the first thing people learn here on Nanny 911. Not to eat their house!"

Jack was escorted to some kid's red bean-bag chair where he had to sit in time out.

"Now you must sit there and think about why you tried to eat the boat!" Said Swatch

"Because I was hungry!" Jack whined

"That's what they all say" Swatch walked away

"And to think I tried to shoot her down and eat her!" he muttered

:MEANWHILE, IN PORT ROYAL:

Will was sitting in a pub surrounded by dozens of peasants, a few sailors, and empty bowls.

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" They were all shouting

Will was on his last root beer float. He swallowed the last drop and fell over completely drunk. The crowd cheered.

Will stood up, wavering and swaying a bit and said "Barbossa, I won your bet. You owe me your squirt gun!" he sat down. He was still drunk off of the root beer floats.

"Awwwww…." Moaned Barbossa "But… I like the squirt gun. "

"Fork it over!"

"FINE!" shouted Barbossa shoving the squirt gun in Will's face

"HEY!" Shouted Will back "Don't shove it in my FACE!" he squirted Barbossa in the face

"AAAHHHHHH! EVIL WATER! GET IT OFF! AHHHH" Barbossa ran in circles, franticly trying to lick the water off like a cat.

Will edged out of the pub.

"Like mannnn. Find your inner peace." Said a hippie peasant "Like all you must do is meditate."

Barbossa stopped running in circles "Who in the world are you?"

"Man, I'm like from the 21st century. duh."

"Ooookkkkk……"

"Now to find you inner peace you must meditate."

"Ooookkkkk……"

"Look man, are you going to listen or not." The hippie paused "Watch."

The hippie started to meditate and so did Barbossa.

"Hey! This is actually working!"

"Shhhh"

"You have to show me all of your ways to have inner-peace!"

: BACK ON THE INTERCEPTOR:

Jack was wedged in a corner of the ship shaking. He was hiding from Swatch.

"Where are you Jack!"

"I am now officially scarred for life!" muttered Jack

Just in time the viewers came back with no luck in finding a mechanic.

"I'll get you next time!" shouted Swatch flying away on her umbrella

Will had to be rowed back to the Interceptor for he was still woozy from all the root beer floats. Barbossa was now taught all the ways of being a hippy and became one himself, so he meditated to get back to the pearl.

Now everybody was back in their places and the movie continued sort-of normally until thenext time……..


End file.
